What power! Girls as young as 14 have been required to submit to this rule and bed down with guys old enough to be their grandfathers. Here's how Jeffs' nifty little religion works: Church doctrine holds that the prophet marry loyal male followers to as many 'wives' as the prophet deems appropriate. His polygamist community of Colorado City, Arizona, and Hildale, Utah, straddles the state line. Which is why the FBI had the junior Jeffs on its Most Wanted list since August 2005, and why he was eventually nabbed on a highway in southern Nevada this summer and sent to face charges first in Utah and then in Arizona. Between Rulon and Warren, the Jeffses have forced young girls into sexual slavery for a couple of generations now. But Warren Jeffs, prophet of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, has not only had sex with minors himself, he's required multitudes of his followers to commit the crime since he took over as Polygamyland's top dog from his dad. We've read of pedophiles in Arizona who've each accosted scores of children. Now, there's a lot of competition for this honor. After seeing enough Diocese-sanctioned services, that seems like a pretty damn good idea. What's next? 'Heal!!!!'? LeBlanc calls for solemn reverence in his church. Women reaching for the sky like peyote-crazed medicine doctors. 'Hootenanny services.' Have you been to Mass lately? They remind us of the fevered Baptist revivals of the hillbilly South. 'Is it any wonder why those of us who desire the true Mass the Roman Rite Mass abandoned your 'mainstream church' with your heretical bishops, pedophile priests and hootenanny services?' That last little stinker really hit home. You are leading the souls of your flock straight through the gates and into the fires of hell.' Ouch! Yet another thrust of the spear.

When you discourage Roman Catholics from attending the true Mass the Roman Rite Mass you are destroying souls. 'Your job is to save souls it is not to destroy them. Some nuggets: 'You people don't even use the proper Roman Catholic Bible!' one priest wrote. What was more fun, though, were the letters sent out by LeBlanc and his fellow traditionalist priests, in which they blame Vatican II, and the priests schooled under its liberal laws, for just about every heresy committed by a Catholic priest in the past 30 years. But the mistake sent LeBlanc into an old-school tizzy. A minor faux pas, you say? One would think. This summer, a diocesan priest incorrectly stated in his parish bulletin that LeBlanc had been 'excommunicated' by the pope. Because LeBlanc refused to change to the modern-style Mass, he was kicked out of the diocese by former bishop, pedophile hide-and-seeker and Native American hit-and-runster Thomas O'Brien. The rest of the Valley's Catholics celebrate the modern Mass born out of the widespread modernization of the Catholic Church in the 1960s known as Vatican II. Cell phones and cameras are forbidden, however, so you needn't worry about any saucy pics of your skinny-dipping adventures getting posted on the Internet.įather Francis LeBlanc leads a church in El Mirage that celebrates the traditional Latin Mass as well as numerous other ancient Catholic rites. If you're feeling a bit more exhibitionistic, there's also a semi-private pool for $7.50 an hour per person. Five private areas located inside fenced areas and historic buildings including a small post office where old-school civil servants soaked their letter-carrying carcasses back in the day allow you to take a dip away from the prying eyes of the public for only $10 an hour per person. This picturesque mineral-water spa located 45 miles west of the Valley is a clothing-optional compound with a bounty of bathing pools and tubs filled with natural H 2O pumped straight from a subterranean spring. Well, you can finally feel good about dropping trou outside the confines of your residence (without getting thrown in the cooler) inside the confines of El Dorado Hot Springs. According to the Bible, our ancient ancestors Adam and Eve grew ashamed at their nudity in the Garden of Eden after sampling forbidden fruit from the tree of knowledge, and thusly, mankind was forever cursed with a sense of body modesty.

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